Yes, that's right, I spent
the last day of singlehood watching a crap movie, (I really know how to
pahrtay)! As you can probably imagine, my mind wasn't really into it, although
I had a great night as I watched the movie with my best man and fellow blogger,
Wes.
Sometimes I wish we had recorded our comments when we watch the movie as they
are often funnier than what I end up writing. On this occasion I really wish we
had recorded it so I at least have some record of what happened in the poxy
movie!
So the following review is built up around what I can remember as I don't have time to get a copy and to re-watch it, (and I'm a married man now and have shelves to put up!).
The one thing I can not forget about the movie is that it is called Surf School. This is not because I have fantastic mental abilities, but because the theme music, (and indeed every piece of incidental music throughout the movie), has the lyrics, Surf School, Surf School, Surf School. The other thing I remember is that it is a 'Teen Movie' and I remember this clearly because I thought throughout, 'you are not American Pie, please stop trying to be. Mmmmm pie'.
Anyway, Jordan, (Corey Sevier), has just moved from the East Coast and is finding it difficult to settle into Laguna Beach High School. Jordan is your typical jock, good looking, good at sports and enjoys a good towel slapping on the ass in the showers. Despite these ‘positive’ attributes, he didn’t join the cool gang and is bullied regularly by Tyler Masters, (Ryan Carnes).
Tyler has all the bullying tools to his trade, the threats of violence, the glaring stares and the constant reference to size of Jordan’s little fella. He’s a fair bully though and dishes out the same treatment for the rest of Jordan’s gang, which consists of the schools outcasts and misfits.
We have:
Larry, (Leigh Norris), the group’s virgin but you wouldn’t know this as it is only mentioned by the gang every millisecond of the movie. He is offered some heartfelt advise by his friends, which is usually along the lines of he should bash the bishop more often. Dr. Miriam, they are not.
Taz, (Miko Hughes), is a skater punk and about as convincing a skater punk as Avril Lavigne. A young man who claims to have had lots of nookie, he seems to be in there for no other reason than to balance out the ‘normal’looking guy and virgin guy.
Mo, (Sisqo), has come straight from the Soul Plane, (If you're interested, click here for my Soul Plane blog), school of bad racial stereotype acting. He basically hip-hops his way throughout the movie and shouts a lot.
Doris, (Laura Bell Bundy), is the token goth. She appears to have no reason to be in the movie, until about 30 minutes from the end, but more on that later……
Jordan is a little bit sad that he does not have a fat guy to complete his gang of uninteresting one-dimensional cliché characters, but carries on regardless. He’s also sad and annoyed that Tyler keeps getting one up on him and decides to teach them a lesson the only way he can. To beat them in a surfing competition!
Jordan and his band of clichés head off to Costa Rica, where the tournament is being held in a weeks time. None of them can surf so they get enlist the help of ex-pro surfer, Rip, (Harland Williams). This does not seem like a good idea as Rip is in bad shape. He's high as a kite on weed, not on this planet and ticking firmly another stereotypical box for the movie’s director.
Not being done with the stereotypical characters, the gang stay with 2 ex-Hippies, Boris, (Taylor Negron), and Tillie, (Diane Delano), who are into free love and who basically shag in ‘comical places’........man! They also throw in a Japanese exchange student, Norwegian blond big-boobed ladies and a gay. Someone shouts ‘House’ and the game of stereotype Bingo is done and we are ready to tell the story.
But that is as really as far as I got with the movie. My mind turned on to, ‘where have I put the rings’, ‘will we get the hall ready in time for the reception’ and ‘how many drinks to calm my nerves can I get away with on the day, before I noticeably slur at the ceremony?’. But it wasn’t because I was mega worried or anything, it was more because what followed the intro was 90 minutes of unfunny crap in which not a lot happens.
The gags revolve around boobs, bums and masturbation. Think, ‘The Inbetweeners’, but not funny, (like ‘The Inbetweeners’). The jokes come thick and fast and are all the same jokes, just repeated ad nauseum.
Eventually, after an hour and a half of trawling through lame smutty innuendo, (*sniggers* in your end doh!), we get to an ending and the misfits win the surf contest. In further breaking news, the pope is catholic, ducks like water and bears do their business in wooded areas.
And so ends the last movie I watched in full before I got married and whilst my mind was distracted throughout, the things that stood out were the one-dimensional characters, the lack of story and the fact we have yet another comedy movie with no comedy whatsoever.
If you thought that the characters in Surf School sounded familiar, then you would be right as the majority of them seem to be lifted straight from The Breakfast Club. We have Jordan who is our Andrew Clark, (Emilio Estevez) but without the personality, Larry whose character is similar to Brian Johnson, (Anthony Michael Hall), and there’s Doris, whose a poor version of Allison Reynolds, (Ally Sheedy). In fact Doris' storyline, (what there is of it), is a lot like Allison and reminds me of the one thing which irks me about The Breakfast Club.
Why oh why oh why did Allison have to be de-gothed and made ‘normal’ in order to be accepted by the group in The Breakfast Club? The whole movie is about tolerance and acceptance and yet they had to turn her into the all-American beauty queen before she could start dating Andrew. For a great movie, the ending still really pisses me off.
What Surf School did was a half-assed version of this in that Doris is not really accepted until she de-goths and becomes an easy scantily dressed blond who’s anyones. There is one slight difference between the 2 in that Allison has more charm, depth and diversity in one strand of fur from her Parker jacket hood, than Doris has in her entire dull persona, but hey, I'll splitting jet black dyed hair.
I would go into detail about the other character's storylines, but in truth, there isn't any. I appreciate my mind was on other things, but had I watched the movie in it's entirety, over and over again, I would still be able to describe the whole movie in 7 words. Misfits win surf contest and humiliate bullies. Or 1 word. Dull.
The relentless jokes about bodily functions and body parts, consistently fall flat and they try so hard to be American Pie, they end up being American Pie Presents: Band Camp. It really does have the feel of a rushed out money making straight to DVD rip off of the franchise and had it been called American Pie Presents: Surf School, I would not have been surprised.
So the following review is built up around what I can remember as I don't have time to get a copy and to re-watch it, (and I'm a married man now and have shelves to put up!).
The one thing I can not forget about the movie is that it is called Surf School. This is not because I have fantastic mental abilities, but because the theme music, (and indeed every piece of incidental music throughout the movie), has the lyrics, Surf School, Surf School, Surf School. The other thing I remember is that it is a 'Teen Movie' and I remember this clearly because I thought throughout, 'you are not American Pie, please stop trying to be. Mmmmm pie'.
Anyway, Jordan, (Corey Sevier), has just moved from the East Coast and is finding it difficult to settle into Laguna Beach High School. Jordan is your typical jock, good looking, good at sports and enjoys a good towel slapping on the ass in the showers. Despite these ‘positive’ attributes, he didn’t join the cool gang and is bullied regularly by Tyler Masters, (Ryan Carnes).
Tyler has all the bullying tools to his trade, the threats of violence, the glaring stares and the constant reference to size of Jordan’s little fella. He’s a fair bully though and dishes out the same treatment for the rest of Jordan’s gang, which consists of the schools outcasts and misfits.
We have:
Larry, (Leigh Norris), the group’s virgin but you wouldn’t know this as it is only mentioned by the gang every millisecond of the movie. He is offered some heartfelt advise by his friends, which is usually along the lines of he should bash the bishop more often. Dr. Miriam, they are not.
Taz, (Miko Hughes), is a skater punk and about as convincing a skater punk as Avril Lavigne. A young man who claims to have had lots of nookie, he seems to be in there for no other reason than to balance out the ‘normal’looking guy and virgin guy.
Mo, (Sisqo), has come straight from the Soul Plane, (If you're interested, click here for my Soul Plane blog), school of bad racial stereotype acting. He basically hip-hops his way throughout the movie and shouts a lot.
Doris, (Laura Bell Bundy), is the token goth. She appears to have no reason to be in the movie, until about 30 minutes from the end, but more on that later……
Jordan is a little bit sad that he does not have a fat guy to complete his gang of uninteresting one-dimensional cliché characters, but carries on regardless. He’s also sad and annoyed that Tyler keeps getting one up on him and decides to teach them a lesson the only way he can. To beat them in a surfing competition!
Jordan and his band of clichés head off to Costa Rica, where the tournament is being held in a weeks time. None of them can surf so they get enlist the help of ex-pro surfer, Rip, (Harland Williams). This does not seem like a good idea as Rip is in bad shape. He's high as a kite on weed, not on this planet and ticking firmly another stereotypical box for the movie’s director.
Not being done with the stereotypical characters, the gang stay with 2 ex-Hippies, Boris, (Taylor Negron), and Tillie, (Diane Delano), who are into free love and who basically shag in ‘comical places’........man! They also throw in a Japanese exchange student, Norwegian blond big-boobed ladies and a gay. Someone shouts ‘House’ and the game of stereotype Bingo is done and we are ready to tell the story.
But that is as really as far as I got with the movie. My mind turned on to, ‘where have I put the rings’, ‘will we get the hall ready in time for the reception’ and ‘how many drinks to calm my nerves can I get away with on the day, before I noticeably slur at the ceremony?’. But it wasn’t because I was mega worried or anything, it was more because what followed the intro was 90 minutes of unfunny crap in which not a lot happens.
The gags revolve around boobs, bums and masturbation. Think, ‘The Inbetweeners’, but not funny, (like ‘The Inbetweeners’). The jokes come thick and fast and are all the same jokes, just repeated ad nauseum.
Eventually, after an hour and a half of trawling through lame smutty innuendo, (*sniggers* in your end doh!), we get to an ending and the misfits win the surf contest. In further breaking news, the pope is catholic, ducks like water and bears do their business in wooded areas.
And so ends the last movie I watched in full before I got married and whilst my mind was distracted throughout, the things that stood out were the one-dimensional characters, the lack of story and the fact we have yet another comedy movie with no comedy whatsoever.
If you thought that the characters in Surf School sounded familiar, then you would be right as the majority of them seem to be lifted straight from The Breakfast Club. We have Jordan who is our Andrew Clark, (Emilio Estevez) but without the personality, Larry whose character is similar to Brian Johnson, (Anthony Michael Hall), and there’s Doris, whose a poor version of Allison Reynolds, (Ally Sheedy). In fact Doris' storyline, (what there is of it), is a lot like Allison and reminds me of the one thing which irks me about The Breakfast Club.
Why oh why oh why did Allison have to be de-gothed and made ‘normal’ in order to be accepted by the group in The Breakfast Club? The whole movie is about tolerance and acceptance and yet they had to turn her into the all-American beauty queen before she could start dating Andrew. For a great movie, the ending still really pisses me off.
What Surf School did was a half-assed version of this in that Doris is not really accepted until she de-goths and becomes an easy scantily dressed blond who’s anyones. There is one slight difference between the 2 in that Allison has more charm, depth and diversity in one strand of fur from her Parker jacket hood, than Doris has in her entire dull persona, but hey, I'll splitting jet black dyed hair.
I would go into detail about the other character's storylines, but in truth, there isn't any. I appreciate my mind was on other things, but had I watched the movie in it's entirety, over and over again, I would still be able to describe the whole movie in 7 words. Misfits win surf contest and humiliate bullies. Or 1 word. Dull.
The relentless jokes about bodily functions and body parts, consistently fall flat and they try so hard to be American Pie, they end up being American Pie Presents: Band Camp. It really does have the feel of a rushed out money making straight to DVD rip off of the franchise and had it been called American Pie Presents: Surf School, I would not have been surprised.
In the end we are left with a paint by numbers teen movie,
which tries to be a cross between The Breakfast Club and American Pie but
misses the mark by a country mile.
(Oh and if you're interested, my wedding day was fantastic and was the happiest day of my life. I would like to dedicate this blog to wife, who has to put up with a crap movie every Tuesday night and my crap jokes every single day. She is my rock. Love you Mrs. Mann!).
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