#95 Plan 9 From Outer Space (Wes)

#95 Plan 9 From Outer Space

 

Just occasionally in this list, is there not only a film that I’ve seen before, but a film that I genuinely love and this is the first of those. It’s an awful film, the acting is beyond terrible, the sets wobble more than James Corden on a treadmill, the story makes little sense, as does the script and there are more mistakes and contradictions in the movie than there are in an average sentence muttered by Nick Clegg. All of those things added together make for one of the all time most entertaining movies ever made.

 

As far as the story goes, an old man (Bela Lugosi) attends his late wife’s (Vampira) funeral and soon after dies himself. Both of these corpses are reanimated by aliens, in an attempt to destroy mankind (to stop them building a doomsday weapon that would destroy the universe), and they start killing people. The ghouls and the flying saucer sightings, are investigated by the local police (including the Swedish wrestler Tor Johnson as Inspector Daniel Clay) and a pilot, who eventually encounter and confront the invading aliens

 

The film starts with the most bizarre introduction from the psychic The Amazing Criswell. It really is complete nonsense and never fails to crack me up. How can you not love a monologue that contains the lines “We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.”? Criswell goes on to narrate further parts of the movie, including the cringe worthy death scene of Bela Lugosi (you don’t see Lugosi’s death as it happens off-screen, but it still strikes me as somewhat disrespectful) and the closing speech, which is just as strange as the opening one.

 

After that things continue much along the same lines. Ed Wood had filmed Bela Lugosi for several other unfinished projects before Lugosi died, so using this footage he cobbled together a story. Unfortunately, not only does the story stink, but the actor (actually Ed Woods wife’s chiropractor) who played the ghoul version of him was taller and bore no resemblance, so he has to hold a cape in front of his face throughout the movie. You have to admire the sheer bullheadedness it takes to attempt something like this. I can only guess that this move inspired the makers of soap operas over the world as this move has since been replicated by them time and time again (unfortunately without the face covering).

 

The rest of the acting is just as bad. Tor Johnson can barely even say his lines, muttering them unintelligibly. However as a ghoul he truly comes into his own. His imposing appearance is genuinely creepy and his stiff acting works in his favour. The aliens are the campest aliens to ever invade the Earth. At one point one of them, Eros (Dudley Manlove), gets so over emotional at mankind’s inability to use knowledge responsibly he throws a hissy fit that any eight year old girl would be proud of (this moment is actually my favourite part of the movie, it’s just hilarious).

The sets are shoddy even to B-Movie standards. The same curtain is used as an entrance to an airplane cockpit (obviously the threat of terrorism or even the possibility of a drunk passenger who feels a little dirty didn’t exist back then – not that they could do much damage anyway, as the cockpit doesn’t seem to contain much in the way of equipment anyway) and the background to the alien mothership. The wooden gravestones are tiny in comparison to the actors and the spaceships are just models on fishing line that wobble so much that it looks like the pilots are drunk. There are scenes that jump from day to night. Even the stock footage is shoddy, with one scene showing a radar dish revolving anti-clockwise, then seconds later it’s revolving clockwise.

 

 

The only thing I would like to see this movie address is what exactly plans 1-8 were, and why did they jump to such desperate measures as reviving the dead for plan 9? Surely there were other options that would be a lot less trouble? For any aliens out there who are reading this, I find that trying to settle my differences over a nice pint often helps. Or failing that, then urinating into their kettle gives me at least a sense of petty revenge. Creating an army of ghouls is normally way more trouble than it’s worth.

This movie has been dubbed “The worst movie ever made”, but it doesn’t deserve that title by a longshot. Everything about this movie may be bad, but add it all together and you just can’t help but be charmed by its ineptness. If you want something serious then it obviously isn’t the film for you, but if you want to invite a few friends over for beers and bad movies, then this is one choice of film you won’t regret.